THIS IS
PART OF A LONG SERIES OF VERY FUNNY FAKE CYBERSEX SCENARIOS MADE UP ON THE PITCHFORKMEDIA
MESSAGEBOARD BY A POSTER NAMED DR. NINJAFORKIAN. J-DOGG IS BASED ON A REAL PERSON.
J-Dogg: Wanna cyber?
Partner7: Sure, you into vegetables?
J-Dogg: What like gardening an shit?
Partner7: Yeah, something like that.
J-Dogg: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
J-Dogg: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
Partner7: is that it?
J-Dogg: You water your tomato patch.
J-Dogg: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
Partner7: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a
little more sexy for me?
(pause)
J-Dogg: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
J-Dogg: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
Partner7: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of
carrots and zucchinis.
J-Dogg: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
J-Dogg: Damn baby your right, this shit is HOT.
Partner7: ...
J-Dogg: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery
as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
Partner7: What the fuck is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
J-Dogg: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your
eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
Partner7: whatever.
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